Separation Anxiety in Babies: When It Peaks | Parenting Hub
Separation anxiety usually starts around 8 months and peaks between 10–18 months. Learn why it happens and gentle ways to help your baby through it.
Suddenly your easy-going baby cries every time you leave the room. Separation anxiety is a healthy, expected stage that shows your baby is securely attached — but it's tough on everyone.
When it happens
- Starts: around 6–8 months
- Peaks: 10–18 months
- Eases: usually by 2–3 years (with short flare-ups around big changes)
Why it happens
Two milestones collide: object permanence (your baby now knows you exist when out of sight) and strong attachment (you are their safe base). They miss you because they love you — and they don't yet trust that you always come back. It's a sign of healthy attachment, not 'spoiling'.
How to help
- Always say goodbye — don't sneak out
- Keep goodbyes short, warm and predictable
- Practise short separations at home ('I'm just popping to the kitchen — back soon')
- Leave a comfort item (familiar toy, muslin) with a familiar carer
- Reconnect on reunion — eye contact, cuddle, a few minutes of full attention
- Stay calm yourself — babies read your stress
At night
Separation anxiety often shows up as the '8–10 month sleep regression' — more night wakes, harder bedtimes. Extra reassurance now doesn't create bad habits; it builds trust. Keep your usual sleep approach but offer a little more comfort through the peak weeks.
When to see a doctor
Talk to your GP or MCH nurse if separation distress is severe (hours of crying, can't be soothed by familiar carers), is interfering with feeding or sleep significantly, or persists strongly past 3 years.
When to seek help
- Inconsolable distress for hours with familiar carers
- Refusing feeds with anyone but one parent
- Severe distress persisting past 3 years
- Loss of skills (e.g. talking, walking) during the stage
Common questions
Am I making it worse by going to them at night?
No. Responding to a distressed baby builds the secure attachment that helps separation anxiety pass. Comfort and consistency are the answer, not distance.
Will starting daycare make it worse?
There's often a settling-in period of 2–4 weeks. Short, predictable goodbyes and a consistent routine help most babies adjust.